Worth the Risk

As she looked at him, she knew it wasn't worth it. She laughed inside. She knew she was going to walk away. Not yet. In a moment. He thought he was worth it. For that moment at least. For her the risk was too great now, which added to the intensity inside of her. She wondered if he could see her heart beating in her throat. The thought of it was intoxicating. But she was also all sorts of intoxicated and that made her ready to leave. 

She knew he could see her heart racing now. She could hear it pounding over the loud music. "Run!" She could hear herself yelling inside. "Run!" But her feet didn't move. 

Once their lips touched she knew she would lose. She would fall. Not in love, but into something far more debilitating. She didn't fall in love. Not anymore at least. Because she fell so easily out of it. She breathed deep, hoping to inflate her chest so much that she would just float away. This wasn't a new feeling. She knew she would fall too deep to dig herself back out. The rush of it all didn't out weigh the risk. Yet still she couldn't move. 

She waited for her phone to ring or buzz or do anything. No one would call or text her though. No one knew where she was or what she was doing. This was her plan all along. If she couldn't be found than she would remain lost. Lost and alone. Something about this felt so liberating. So she just stood there smiling. Knowing.

((work.in.progress))

 

The Myth of Soul Mates

((This is a piece I am working on The Myth of Soulmates. A mixed up romantic montage of love and unloved stories. This is an excerpt.)) 

Some may think this is a depressing and cynical thought but I don't really believe in soul mates. Well, let me clarify that. I don't believe we are put on this earth for one person. I don't think we are meant to spend our lives with one person either. I think we are meant to love many people in our lives. Partner-wise, I mean. Obviously we love a lot of people throughout our lives.  

I think of this as very romantic, though. Think about all of the relationships you have had in your life. From first loves to long term to even one night stands. When you think about it, each of these relationships, no matter how small or short, have taken a significant part of your life, shaping you for your next adventure in love. 

In my opinion, heartbreak is the most real emotion a human can feel. And I think everyone needs to feel it. The figurative scar tissue left on the heart is what molds people. It makes your heart strong. Because who knows, someone may come into your life and need a strong heart to help them. 

You know what I think is the romantic part of it all. Knowing all of this. That there are no soul mates. That you were not put on this earth to be with that one person. That we could love so many people in our lives and the possibilities are endless. But the most romantic part of it all is that most of us, despite having the world, evolution, everything against us, we still chose one person. And we work so hard in loving that person for the rest of our lives. That kind of love doesn't come easy. That kind of love is so easy to walk away from, to take advantage of. That kind of love is more work that play. But we still do it every day some do it for 50 years or more. We chose to love that one person. To give them the rest of our lives. That is where the romance is. 

Day Four: Broken Resolutions

((Half written nonsense is what I really want to title this. I have no clue where this narrative would go. So I am just putting it out there unfinished and unedited. That's what this whole project is, I guess. I feel I still need to say "sorry this sucks."))

Confetti littered the floor, along with all the resolutions that were bound to be broken by mid January. She stood there next to him wondering if they could really be this happy. Would their resolution be broken soon too? At this moment, it didn't seem to matter. They kept smiling at each other like the past few years hadn't happened yet. There was so much hope in the air. Hope for the new year, new beginnings, new love. She imagined that if they tried hard enough, everything would be new this time around.

It was hours into the new year. They didn't talk in fear that this magic would disappear. Instead they danced and drank and looked and laughed. They knew it was ridiculous to be this way. Their age, their history, to be acting young and free. But for that night it was all they could do to save something, anything they had left. So they drank and danced and laughed some more.

The next morning came too quickly. She laid there thinking maybe it would have been better if the night failed. Instead of the dancing and kissing and hopefulness that filled the night, it could have just tanked. This would have made the next morning better. It would have made the goodbye easier. Now there is no goodbye. Some would think that was a good thing. She worried now when the end would come. Would it come? It felt like it was already here but then last night happened. She was afraid to feel hope even though it's the only thing what swirled her heart and head.